


Cautious Optimism Is Definitely Better

by astralpenguin



Series: 3am [7]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Yagami Light, Casual Displays of Affection, Cuddling, Demiromantic Yagami Light, Established Relationship, Fluff, Greyromantic Yagami Light, Holding Hands, Late Night Conversations, Laughter, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Yagami Light is Kira, Yotsuba Arc (Death Note)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27513478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralpenguin/pseuds/astralpenguin
Summary: From the moment the plan had been put together earlier that day, he’d known that the possibility of him getting any sleep tonight was a distant dream that he’d be unlikely to reach.“He’ll be okay, right?”(not recommended as a standalone)
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Series: 3am [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640104
Comments: 18
Kudos: 151





	Cautious Optimism Is Definitely Better

**Author's Note:**

> so. destiel, huh?
> 
> (if you don't know what that means, congratulations on somehow dodging that fandom for so long, i'm v impressed)

Tomorrow night was the night.

Light couldn’t sleep, and he wasn’t surprised about that. His attempts to get to sleep had been half hearted at best. From the moment the plan had been put together earlier that day, he’d known that the possibility of him getting any sleep tonight was a distant dream that he’d be unlikely to reach.

“He’ll be okay, right?” he said, breaking the silence for the first time in hours.

Light knew that L already knew that he was awake. He hadn’t been pretending not to be, and while L had been focused on double and triple checking that everything was in place, there was no way he hadn’t noticed Light’s restlessness.

L looked up from his computer. “If Higuchi reacts how we expect him to, then yes, Matsuda will be fine.”

“That’s a pretty big if.”

L glanced back at his computer screen for a moment, clicked a couple of times, and then put it to the side. He crawled across the bed over to where Light was lying and lay down next to him, taking Light’s hands in his own.

“I know,” he said.

“What if he gets the second Kira’s power somehow?” asked Light. “Or what if we’re wrong, and Kira’s one of the others?”

“Then Matsuda will die, and we’ll need to adjust our strategy.”

Light blinked.

“I’m sorry,” said L. “I know you’re looking for reassurance, but there isn’t much that I can give while still being honest about the situation we’re in.”

Light sighed. “Try anyway?”

L nodded. He was silent for a few moments, then said, “We’re as sure as we can be that, right now, Higuchi’s abilities as Kira are that of the first, not the second. Matsuda’s face will only be shown on camera for a maximum of five seconds. His face will also be blurred out in all recordings, so even if Higuchi gains the second Kira’s ability somehow he will be unable to rewatch and find Matsuda’s face that way. Once Matsuda’s face has been shown, he will be removed from the Sakura TV building and replaced by a dummy. Everyone aside from Matsuda who will be going anywhere near Higuchi will have their faces covered until such time that Higuchi has been arrested and restrained. We are taking every precaution we possibly can to ensure that Matsuda, and everyone else involved in the plan to capture Higuchi, will remain safe.”

Light nodded. He knew all of this already, but having L lay it all out for him did make him feel a little better.

Only a little, though.

“I wish Matsuda didn’t have to do this.”

“As do I,” said L. “If it were possible to use someone else for this, we would. But we need the threat to Higuchi to be credible, and Matsuda is the only one who can fill that role.”

“I know.”

Earlier, with the others, L had been cold and calculating when he’d presented his plan to the team. His only concession to the danger that they would be putting Matsuda in had been to tell Matsuda to think carefully about whether he wanted to do it or not. But when nobody other than Light was watching, L dropped the act. Light could see in L’s face and hear in L’s voice that he liked this plan just as little as Light did.

But, little as he liked it, Light had to agree that this plan was their best shot.

If L hadn’t suggested this plan, if L had decided that putting a taskforce member’s life at risk was never an option, then Light had every faith that they’d eventually have come up with another plan. But how long would that have taken? How many people would’ve died in the meantime? 

This way was best, and Light  _ knew  _ that.

L knew that too, which was why he’d suggested it. Matsuda knew that too, which was why he’d agreed to do it almost instantly.

Light didn’t think that any of them really liked it.

“I want to talk to Matsuda tomorrow,” said Light. “Away from everyone else.”

L nodded. “Of course,” he said. “Just so long as you don’t talk him out of it.”

“I won’t.”

L released Light’s hands and put an arm around him, pulling him close.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?”

Light almost laughed.

There was, indeed, something else.

So much of his mind had been dedicated to worrying about Matsuda and all the ways that tomorrow could go wrong that he’d honestly barely even noticed it. But barely doesn’t mean didn’t, and he  _ had  _ noticed the other thing that was bothering him.

And L had noticed too.  _ Of course  _ L had noticed too. L was the most perceptive person that Light had ever known. At times Light was almost convinced that L knew him better than he knew himself.

Which, considering that L had had to be the one to break it to Light that he was asexual, was probably actually the truth.

“If we  _ do  _ catch Higuchi tomorrow, and if he really is the third Kira, then that would be the perfect time for the first Kira to come back.”

L looked up at Light’s face. “Explain your reasoning?”

“Imagine that we hadn’t figured out that the third and first Kira weren’t the same person,” said Light. “Catching Higuchi would clear my name once and for all. As it is, it’ll clear my name in the eyes of the rest of the taskforce. Once he’s been arrested, they’ll demand that the handcuffs are taken off and that I be allowed to leave the building. If the first Kira wants to maximise the amount of time he can use to act, then returning the moment Higuchi is captured and isn’t able to act anymore would be the best plan.”

L didn’t say anything, but he tightened his hold on Light, which spoke louder than any verbal response could.

“We don’t know exactly how Kira’s power works yet,” Light continued. “And when it comes to how Kira was able to disappear from my mind, we might never know. But I know that if  _ I _ had a power and memories associated with it that I could hide and reinstate at will, then I’d plan for those things to be reinstated at the earliest possible opportunity, and the earliest possible opportunity is the moment Higuchi is taken into custody.”

“Would you say that you have a bad feeling that this is what _is_ going to happen?”

Light thought about it for a moment. Just because he’d considered what  _ he  _ would do if he were in the first Kira’s position - and wasn’t  _ that  _ a strange thing to consider, seeing as he and Kira were technically one and the same - it didn’t mean that he thought that things  _ would  _ go that way.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he eventually settled on. “I think it could. I think that the first Kira has a plan, and part of that plan  _ is  _ to return at that moment. I also think the first Kira wasn’t expecting me to accept that he existed or was a part of me, and that changes things. I acted differently before my confinement started, right?”

L nodded. “You did,” he said. “You acted significantly differently, in fact, at least around me.”

Light hummed in agreement. “Matsuda said I acted strangely as well. Sayu was also complaining about me being distant last time I talked to her, and she made sure that I knew that she didn’t just mean now when I’m not at home and haven’t seen her in months, but that I was emotionally distancing myself from her in the year leading up to it as well. I don’t think that the first Kira was some external force that took me over, I think I became him somehow, but I also think that Kira is different enough from me that those who are closest to me are able to tell the difference. They can tell that something’s wrong.” Light tried to smile. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded. “I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t know if the first Kira is going to come back tomorrow, but please keep a close eye on me just in case he does. You should be able to tell right away.”

“Of course I’ll be keeping a close eye on you,” said L. “That is why I had you handcuffed to me in the first place.”

Light let out a soft laugh. “I’m glad you did,” he said. “But you’ve got to admit that over the last couple of months the chain has become a bit of a formality.”

L pressed his head into the pillow in what would’ve been a slight head title had they not been lying down, conceding the point. “We  _ have _ been able to together establish that you  _ were  _ the first Kira, which isn’t something that somebody who is currently Kira would ever admit to. I don’t think that even you are capable of deceit on that level. You’ve proven that you can be trusted.”

Light glanced at where their arms were wrapped around each other. “Plus we’re literally in a relationship.”

L smiled. “There’s that too.”

“But that’s just it. You trust me. You let your guard down around me. And I need you to not do that tomorrow.”

L pulled back just enough to look Light directly in the eyes, and nodded. “I promise,” he said. “As soon as the broadcast starts, I shall treat you with suspicion until Higuchi has been arrested and I am able to confirm that you have not returned to being Kira.”

Light’s smile was more genuine now. “Thank you.”

L snuggled closer to Light again. “After all,” he said, “the chances of you being Kira are 100%. It would be foolish of me not to watch you carefully, with those kinds of odds.”

This time Light’s laughter was not soft. It had been a long time since L had quoted a Kira percentage at him, and Light knew that there was absolutely no malice behind it. It was both a statement of fact and an attempt to lighten the mood, and it had done its job perfectly.

Light didn’t have fits of laughter very often, and it took him a long time to get his laughter under control. Every time he came close to stopping, he’d look at L’s face, which plainly showed that he was both faintly amused and very proud of himself, and it would set him off all over again.

It got to the point where he was struggling to breathe, was having to tell himself that he was being ridiculous and that it wasn’t even all that funny if he thought about it properly, but the timing and the circumstances and everything about what had happened leading up to now and what was waiting for them the next day had created a lethal combination that meant that Light just Could Not Stop Laughing.

Finally, L seemed to decide that enough was enough, and Light deserved to be given a rest from his own laughing fit and deserved to breathe again.

L accomplished this by kissing him.

As if by magic, Light’s giggles died away at the first press of L’s lips to his own. As soon as Light was sure that he wasn’t about to dissolve into laughter again, he kissed L back.

“Thanks,” he said when they parted. “I needed that.”

“So did I,” said L. “I like seeing you happy.”

“You make me happy.”

L smiled. “You make me happy too.”

They pressed their foreheads together.

“Whatever happens tomorrow,” said Light, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes,” said L, “Kira  _ will  _ want to stick around to kill me.”

Light rolled his eyes. “Didn’t you  _ just  _ say that you’ll-”

“Yes,” said L, “I’m teasing. If Kira  _ does  _ return, I’ll do everything in my power to get you back. And if Kira does not return, that would be wonderful.”

Light kissed him.

“It would,” he said, still so close to L that their lips brushed as he spoke. “And once this is all over, I can’t wait to work on other cases with you.”

He could feel L smiling.

“I feel the same,” he said. “We are already an excellent team. We only stand to get better from here.”

“Perhaps next time we might even have less of an emotional attachment to the case. That’ll probably make it simpler to solve.”

L laughed. “Falling for you was not part of the plan and is not a usual aspect of my cases. But I don’t regret that I did.”

Light lightly brushed his lips against L’s and then burrowed his head in the crook of L’s neck. “I don’t feel sleepy,” he said, “but I should probably try to sleep anyway.”

“Yes,” said L, “you should. The broadcast tomorrow doesn’t start until the evening, and the chances of getting to sleep at all tomorrow night are rather slim.”

Light groaned. “I’m so not looking forward to that.”

“I think that I should probably try to sleep too,” said L. “It  _ has  _ been a few days since I last slept, and as I just said, sleep is unlikely to be an option tomorrow.”

Light shifted his arms so that they were wrapped around L’s middle and squeezed. “I also think that you should sleep.”

“It appears that I have been trapped in place,” said L. “Maybe I should not have said anything.”

“No laptop,” said Light. “Only sleep.”

“Okay,” said L. “But neither of us will get to sleep if we keep talking.”

Light pressed a kiss against L’s neck. “Goodnight Ryuuzaki,” he said.

L pressed a kiss into Light’s hair. “Goodnight Light.”

And, much to Light’s surprise, they actually did stop talking.

Light couldn’t exactly look at his watch, but if he had to guess at a time frame, it was at least half an hour before his brain stopped buzzing enough for him to start to sink into sleep. He knew that by the time sleep came for him, it hadn’t come for L yet.

Their talk hadn’t removed all of his fears, but it  _ had  _ made him feel better. They were controlling everything about tomorrow that it was possible for them to control. There were risks, but those risks were minimal. Matsuda might not be okay, but he probably would be.  _ Light  _ might not be okay, but eventually he probably would be as well.

And if he wasn’t okay then L would do what was necessary.

He was still worried, and would keep being worried until the next day was done. But he was cautiously optimistic too.

And he was sure that L would fall asleep not long after he did.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make me really happy !!!
> 
> this series is nearly finished, there are just a couple more installments left. tysm for sticking with it, i'm really happy that so many people have been enjoying it !!! <33
> 
> come say hi on [tumblr!](https://astralpenguin.tumblr.com/)


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